Disgusting. I mean like really, it’s just plain awful! You mean to tell me this was made by a sentient being with the capacity to read, write, and “draw”?! 

Oh, sorry, I don’t mean the movie adaptation of Tatsuki Fujimoto’s (creator of Chainsaw Man, Fire Punch, Goodbye, Eri) one-shot manga Look Back produced by Studio Durian, I’m just looking over a rather old work of mine I wrote back in my rebellious days. I’m not really fond of it you see-it’s a stark reminder of a time in my life I’d rather forget. 

Honestly, I was a terrible individual. The ego that spawned from my realization of the fact that I was my own person with my own thoughts-it led to behavior that I hesitate to be proud of these days. Everyone’s had a time like that though right? 

A time where the world around you isn’t “the world”, but rather, it is merely “the place you exist in”. Harsh occurrences feeding into the perspective that the world is a horrible place, that people are undeserving and should be hated. A time where everything we do is done with reason, and if not reason, utter confidence that we are correct even if there is no foundation to support the faultiest of principles. That was the sort of thing that fueled my ever-typing fingers, and it definitely bled into what I wrote.

…Do I really regret it though? It was ages ago, well in human years at least, but it was of just terrible quality. Not that I think I create anything better these days mind you! But I think I’m simply just a changed individual these days. I can’t look at it anymore with the same ignorance filled eyes of the past, so the only way I can perceive it now is with disdain. 

Disdain over… what, I wonder? After all, writing such a sloppy, poorly constructed piece of fiction on a 20XX MacBook Air-multiple pieces like that in fact-is the reason I’m even writing these very words right now on my phone! Not even just that, but every action I’ve taken thus far. Every person I’ve talked to, every word I’ve chosen to type or say, every book I’ve chosen to read or not read, every sentence I’ve deleted or revised, every dropped combo, it’s all led to right now! 

I suppose the inquiry then becomes, am I happy? Am I satisfied with where I am right now?

Not in the slightest! Hahahahaha!

However, despite that- I am happy with the path I’m on. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be satisfied quite frankly. There’s a lot of thinking and rumination in this geometric head of mine that stops that from ever being a certainty. I can though, at the very least, believe that the path and trajectory I’ve found myself upon will lead to such happiness. And as long as I tell myself that I indeed exist as a living being, I will chase that happiness no matter how far it finds itself torn apart from me. And sometimes, it’s worth looking back on the path itself, just to see how far I’ve really come. Maybe you should try it too! 

There’s always something in your past to be proud of, that makes you who you are right now! And even against all odds there isn’t- you have the power to change that right here and now. Make something, do something, anything! Anything that will make you proud in the future. Live for your past, present, and future self! I wonder if there’s a 4th self, like a past-participle self or something, though I guess that would imply 2 other selves making the total 6…

I suppose the takeaway here is; don’t be afraid to gaze upon your own history.

Unrelated tangent aside, Look Back is very good! The animation quality is stellar, accompanied by a beautiful soundtrack and amazing voice talent. It’s also incredibly short, barely being 57 minutes, so its a very low time investment. If you missed it in theaters, be sure to check it out on Amazon Prime.

If you feel like supporting the creator of the original work, there is an official English release of the manga physically published by VIZ Media, which you can buy on Amazon or find at a bookstore that carries manga.

No matter how you experience it, it’s a truly wonderful work. I hope you enjoy it!