3

“We’ll be reunited, y’all! You know, I’ve been thinking of how to welcome him back, and-” Reed began going on.

Lancelot—I’m sure that name sounds familiar to you, doesn’t it? Wherever they go, it’s almost like Gaia herself makes the name ‘Lancelot’ synonymous with a person who leaves their mark. Saying that, though, you probably know them by a different name, ain’t that right?

Continuin’, I was pretty shook at the news, to say the least. I had completely tuned out the world—Reed, and the cacophony of noise in the mall, were rendered nonexistent to me. All that was runnin’ through my mind were thoughts of disbelief and shock. Not shocked at the idea of his return, mind you, but shocked at the fact I didn’t even consider he would come back. It never entered my mind, and I preferred to keep it that way. This, however, was the inciting event that would make me look at reality for what it was. I wouldn’t come back to my senses until Yeon snapped their fingers in front of my face loudly.

“Hey. Reed’s talking to you. Pay attention if you’re gonna demand him to speak,” Yeon said to me. I didn’t say anything back, but it brought my attention back. It only took one time for me to stop losing focus.

“O-oh, it isn’t a problem, Yeon. Really! It’s a surprise for all of us, but you know, Kyra and Lance were always especially close,’ Reed chimed in. ‘It’s probably just a lil overwhelming, is all. I was just askin’ if you were excited, Kyra, nothing crazy. I know I am. I heard he may be bringing a friend along, so I’m a bit curious who it could be.”

“Someone they met over in Athens is the most likely. He’s a pretty good judge of character, but this would be the first time he’s introducing us to anyone personally,” Yeon commented. That part is what struck me as odd, and while I hate to admit it, it’s more than likely cause I felt envy. It was unreasonable, honestly. Of course, he had made new friends and bonds while gone for five years, which only made sense. To be upset at that was childish, and I couldn’t shake off being conscious of that either.

The hole that was left when Lance moved from Oaksdale was immense. It was probably the catalyst for my apathy as a whole, though it wasn’t the only factor. I mentioned to you that Yeon and I had a messy relationship, right? Well, succinctly putting it, I tried to fill that hole with her. Real fucked, right? Ah, don’t ya worry your pretty lil’ head, there’s a lot more to morally question me about later.

“When’s he arriving?” I asked Reed, my mind racing with way too many thoughts to recount.

“Uhh, sometime this week. Not sure what day, but he’ll be transferring back to our school district after he settles in a bit! Not sure when we’ll see him, though. But man, Lancelot being back, huh? The whole town’s gonna be an uproar!” Reed said, practically going into fangirl mode as he launched into conversation with Yeon.

Group dynamic-wise, Lancelot was our leader. He’s the one who brought us together, the one who made sure we always were together, and the one who made sure we were always there for each other. He was initially Reed’s friend, but Reed met Tasha, which led to me, and I eventually became friends with Yeon. The group came together fully around the 3rd grade or so. Inspired by heroes of all varieties, Lance wanted to embody that as a person, even in childhood. He was incredibly sweet. He helped anyone he could with practically anything. He was always willing to sacrifice his comfort and time for others, child or adult, but never got sick or tired of it. All the while, he was a straight-A student who was a prodigy athlete. Honestly, his greatest obstacle tended to be his parents.

They hated how overly kind and considerate he was, believing someone like him shouldn’t waste so much time caring about people who don’t matter. Someone like him, who was, in their own words, ‘destined for greatness’, needed to focus only on himself. I think those two were the first human beings I ever learned to feel genuine hate for. He didn’t talk about his family much at all, but at parent and teacher conferences, they were pretty mask off. Who’s gonna say anything to the wealthiest and most influential family outside of the Governor’s, though?

Despite all of that, the hole in me still ached deeply, and while a part of me was filled with the joy that only an Angel could describe, there was a large amount of disdain that permeated my mind.

“And?” I said, to the surprise of Reed. Yeon less so, but they were intrigued.

“…What do you mean?” Reed asked, no doubt his mind feeling like it was flipped upside down.

“What I said. Is that it?” His expression at the time didn’t faze me, but remembering it now makes me feel very sick. He was just appalled. Within those eyes of his, I saw a boy who was hurt. A confused boy, refusing to understand or believe the scenario unfolding before him. His eyebrows furrowed, a blend of frustration and sadness folding over his face.

“I-is something wrong? I’m sorry if I did something to make you upset, um, I just thought you’d want to know the most out of anyone,” He said, struggling to maintain an audible speaking volume. I imagine the flip-flopping of attitudes didn’t help, but needless to say, I was losing myself.

“It’s not you. I’ll see you later,” I said, taking my trash with me as I left the table. No words were shared between us. Even if I felt then that’s what I should’ve done, the loneliness in that moment was unparalleled. It was so potent, I’d consider it almost addictive. It was such a dreadful, utterly mind-sinking feeling that I couldn’t get enough. I needed to smoke so badly that I nearly tripped over myself as I threw my trash away, and left outside.

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I left for a field that happened to be near the mall, so that I could smoke somethin’ without bein’ bothered. The sky was nothin’ but an encroaching black mass now, rain ready to start pouring, which is probably why the field was empty. There was that pungent, almost sweet smell that’s always present before it rains, along with the earthy scent of the grass. I sat underneath the large pecan tree to shelter myself, and hoped the putrid smell I had come to find comfort in would ward away anyone who had the same idea. The taste of nicotine at this point was more than just a simple way to deflect looking at the world around me–it was enjoyable. There wasn’t much I could qualify as enjoying then, but maybe I was hoping that the return of someone who brought so much could rectify that, despite how I responded to Reed.

I longed to see him again. From the moment Reed uttered his name, my heart was unable to stop rapidly beating in my chest. The percussion of each beat rang in my head back and forth for what felt like hours, my head unable to think straight. Desperately, I wanted to tell myself that I was being childish and needed to move on from such an adoration. To describe it as adoration, though, I think, doesn’t serve those feelings justice.

Lancelot… His very essence was, no, is, an irremovable portion of myself.

He was instrumental in all of our lives; Reed, Tasha, Yeon—but for me, through them, I was able to look at the world for its beauty, and not be afraid of it. I was terribly shy and tepid as a child, and kept to myself out of fear. The idea that we were all different, and that differences create warped perceptions, stuck with me even as a kid. Tasha learned quickly that not everyone is equal, and was just as quick to make sure I knew too. I was afraid of anyone who had taken an interest in me, or even dared to look at me. Lancelot was the one who changed that fundamental principle within me.

A sports prodigy and a generally smart kid, they stood out to me so much because of their willingness to talk and help others. ‘I have to be a hero,’ is what they told me when I asked them. We didn’t know each other at the time, but I saw them alone on the playground in 1st Grade, a rather rare sight even at the time, and every fiber in my body moved to reach them. ‘If there’s someone who needs help, then I’ll help them! What about you? Is there something you need? Maybe, you’re a fellow hero?’ My young heart fluttered, an indescribable warmth filled my bosom, and a spark of desire formed.

I was rather ignorant of the question. What was a “hero”? I didn’t know the answer to that. They’d show me the shows that inspired them, a lot of them I hadn’t heard of, that they managed to get imported from overseas thanks to their Aunt (who runs a foreign trade company. She scares me, honestly). A lot of them follow similar premises or ideas, usually centering around a lone hero, or even a team of heroes, fighting against an evil organization or entity that wants to subjugate or destroy humanity. They’d always be balancing their own life outside of their main purpose, sometimes questioning whether they even have a place within a “regular” life. Through seemingly everyday, mundane things, however, they’d be reminded of their humanity, or at least, the humanity that exists within them, and why they continue fighting for possibly over 50 episodes. Always transforming, posing, and sometimes wearing rather over-the-top yet thematically fitting costumes, those heroes taught me how significant it was to care about the world we live in.

Alongside this, we’d often hang out on our own or with everyone else. We’d be outside doing whatever you could think of, especially during our summer breaks. Catchin’ crawfish from their holes, playin’ sports, roleplaying the shows we watched together. The times when we went out purely to help people, though, were the times I remember most distinctly. Mowing lawns, finding lost pets, that sort of thing. I remember we went on a journey for this up-and-coming teenage band to find a store that was willing to sponsor them. For a young child like them to go out of their way for other people, even my Dad questioned why they did so much. He almost felt as if there had to be some ulterior motive, but when I pushed against him on trying to cast dubious ideas onto Lance, he relented. I wasn’t one to have emotional outbursts or challenge people much on things as a kid, so the times I did were probably pretty significant.

Anyway, it’s that sort of person who stole my first experience of “love”, outside of what I felt towards people generally and my family. They showed me why the world was a beautiful place to exist in, and why we should try to do our best to keep it that way. Only we can be the reminders for others that there’s something worth protecting, even if it’s a menial task. There’s always a problem to solve, as there’s always a problem created.

We weren’t in a relationship that long in middle school, as they had to move, but as I mentioned earlier, we made a promise. A promise I couldn’t keep. Naturally, I thought it was better if I just pretended what I had just heard wasn’t true. I’d just ignore it until reality forced me out of such a state. I knew that was futile, and I knew it would eventually slap me harder than I’d ever be ready for, but the alternative was wallowin’ and panickin’.

I don’t think I made the wrong choice, but let me tell ya, you can only avoid reality’s clutches for so long. It’ll come for you, knocking on your door, calling your name, and it’ll let itself in as your guest no matter how you try to avoid it. My mistake was overestimating the time I had. As a torrential downpour quickly came down, I noticed the beautiful, white light of a full moon was coming down onto the tree and grass below, and heard a magnificent voice that made my entire being stand on edge.

“My, I just narrowly avoided that sudden heavy rain! The weather here is still very much the same, I see, but this tree has grown to be quite convenient!’ It was a soft and clear voice, but the word I’d best describe it with is ethereal. It was almost too serene, too pleasant to come from a real person, or at least, a human being. However, at that moment, I wasn’t entranced. I was paralyzed by fear, as I knew who that voice belonged to. ‘It’s rather nostalgic, this being where we first met. I think I prefer the backdrop of the sunny sky, but I suppose it is getting dark anyway. Would you care to indulge in conversation with me as we wait for the storm to pass, Mistress Kyra? The moon is at least rather gorgeous, don’t you think?”

I couldn’t see them, as they were on the other side of the tree, but the mental image of their visage and mannerisms was so vivid that it felt as if they were right in front of me. Their frilly yet distinct black and white maid outfit, their incredibly impeccable, deeply dark skin, their long locs of hair that became white within their middle parting, their lenky yet elegant frame, their comically large suitcase covered in paper seals, and their overly large and fluffy tail. Teashades that had a sunset-like gradient were what typically stared you down whenever you met eyes with them, and they always sported a rather welcoming, yet hauntin’, smile. Once you got past the expression though, you couldn’t help but notice the set of antlers with flora growing on them right behind ears that quite frankly could belong to a dog, a fox, cat, I couldn’t tell you. Tch, just remembering them now is startin’ to get me agitated…

Thanks to the cigarette, it was a lot easier to keep my composure than otherwise. There was a bundle of feelings welling up within’ me, as I hadn’t seen that person, that being, in half a decade. Yeah, around as much time as Lance, which was no coincidence. I was conflicted, cause they were the last person I wanted to see, yet they always had answers where there were none.

“Where do you get off still calling me mistress, huh?!” I couldn’t hide the boiling sensation that rose within my body. A deep seed of hatred felt like it was about to burst into a tree as magnificent as the one I planted myself under.

“A master or mistress of mine, even if former, is recognized as such, regardless of current status. Do you prefer I do away with the formalities?”

“I’d prefer that you do away with yourself. I’m sure you got an umbrella to pull out of that suitcase, so I implore you, leave.” For them, I couldn’t help but try to match their etiquette and proper way of speakin’, especially so if I was frustrated with them.

“…Dearest me, I wonder what could have put you in such a foul mood, my dear. In any case, I merely wished to express something that has been lodged within my heart for quite some time now. I must inquire first, however. How does the flame within your bosom feel?”

“…Like a smolderin’ iron set upon my heart. The pain ain’t ever stop, you know? You promised it would, yet, all I’ve felt for all these years, ever since you gave me that damned flame, it’s as if my chest has been placed between two heated hydraulic presses that are infinitely pushing against one another. If you’re gonna take it out of me, then I’ll give you a smile you’d blush over.”

“As much as I would like to see that, I won’t be able to fulfill your request. I apologize for the discomfort. I did genuinely believe it would disappear over time, but it seems my theory of its creation was initially flawed. It, at the very least, is an indication that it’s still burning profusely. Well, I already knew that honestly, but–” I cut them off, vitriol laced with each word that came out of my mouth next.

“But what? You simply wanted to know how I was sufferin’, yeah? Of course, you knew already. I bet you can see it with those eyes of yours, or even feel the heat itself somehow. Whenever one has to ask what you can do, it’s more of a matter of what you can’t, ain’t that right? You just wanted to hear the voice of your guinea pig to feel a bit less guilty about it. Why check in on me now? You haven’t even asked me how my life’s been since the last time you’ve seen me, but I bet you’d just say you were watching over me the entire time as an excuse. You and your supposed ‘love for humans’… I’ve wondered all this time. Do you even know what love is? Can you comprehend love as an emotion, or are you just tryin’ to fill in the gaps? You’re so damn pathetic.” The hard drops of rain fallin’ the blades of grass around us were the only sounds for a while, and I wondered if they left midway through my word vomit. The cigarette was long out by then, and I sat leanin’ onto the tree, legs curled up and my head tucked in slightly. When they spoke again, their pleasant voice startled me.

“Forgive me, Mistress Kyra. I am short of time, and am ensuring that all that you worked so hard to protect and save as a child on my behalf doesn’t disappear. It is not my place to assume your feelings would be so accepting immediately, and I regret not being able to hold conversations with you regularly. There is much I’d like to discuss with you at some point. You, who I consider one of the most beautiful souls I have ever had the privilege of meeting in my time of existing. All I require is one question to be answered–with that flame of yours, will you fight once again for humanity’s sake?” It didn’t even take me a second to answer.

“Hell no. Take care of your problems your damn self.” A slight pause, but they responded far quicker than before.

“As is your wish. Please, if you ever change your mind, or if you simply need to seek me out in any capacity, come to ‘Stella Limbus’. I will always be there, for you, and for anyone in need of me.” I thought to scoff at their words, but figured even just the gesture would be wasted. I figured that once the moon’s light disappeared, and the rain started pouring down on the tree itself, it signified their departure as well. It’s akin to watching something go down the drain, spiraling inward until its gone. That being tended to cause strange weather and phenomenon in general, but somehow remained unbeknownst to the fact it was because of them.

I call them Nama. That’s the name they gave me when I first met them as a child, and one I constantly had to call for back then, too. Makes me wonder, you’ve met Nama too, right?

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See you in Chapter 4, Hero…